Disclaimer: If breastfeeding is weird to you or grosses you out…might wanna skip today’s post. 😉

Kensie had a fun day hanging with B and Aunt Sarah while I went to a dentist appointment and ran some errands!

When I got home she took a nap and we had to head up to the gym. This evening I had a (much needed) hair appointment so Kens went home with dad tonight! I did get her down for another nap before I left…

Since I don’t have much to say about K baby today – I figured I’d share this instead! 
Lately a lot of friends (since everyone is preggo) have asked if I’m still breastfeeding and how it’s going. Having to schedule my appointments around feedings/making sure there was milk for Kens while I was gone made me think about it more than usual today, too. 

I remember leading up to having Kensington I had a very…indifferent…attitude toward breastfeeding. I knew I wanted to do it for her health (and mine) but also felt strange about it. It felt more like an obligation. I know that sounds terrible to say; but it’s the truth. 

Also, the stupid internet. Before I got pregnant I thought breastfeeding was natural and easy. In my mind it’s just “what you do”. I never really thought about it. When people asked if I was going to I was caught off guard at first. Like, yeah? Doesn’t everyone? But the internet made me realize otherwise. It made it seem near impossible and left me hoping it would work for us. 

Thank God it did. 

K latched right away. She ate like a champ those first few hours. 

Then we got home. Holy hell. A switch flipped and it was no longer natural OR easy. 2 days passed where when I tried to feed Kensie, she would just scream bloody murder. I cried. I cried a lot. I had the baby blues which made it worse (that’s some other shit no one tells you about when you’re pregnant). People kept coming over and I had to seclude myself in my room and try to feed my baby. She wasn’t having it. She’d scream and cry and then I’d cry. I’d walk out and someone would be here wanting to hold her. I felt like the only time I got to hold my own baby the first few days we were home was to feed her and she just screamed the whole time. 

I started to realize something was wrong and coorleated the position to her crying. Then when enough time passed, I realized she also wasn’t pooping. 

Long story short – the poor babe was constipated (y’all know that was short lived now that she’s the blowout queen) and laying her in the position to feed her made her stomach hurt. She’d start to eat because she was hungry and then the pain in her tummy would make her scream. 

We went to the doctor and they “cleared” her out. (TMI?) From there, it got a million times better!! 

Then the other worries started. 

“Is your baby eating 10-15 minutes on each side?” Uh, no..10 minutes tops and she’s done. 

“Are you waking her every 2-3 hours to feed her?” Well I try to but she literally won’t wake up – and if she does she won’t eat and just goes back to sleep. 

Ah! I’m doing this all wrong. She’s not eating enough. I’m not doing it right. She’s going to starve!! …then I learned to ignore all the crap and “textbook” rules and guess what? She was fine. She is fine. We are fine. I learned that ONE thing they say is true: trust your gut. Momma knows best. 

Then, we had it figured out. All was good; but, I kept waiting for that “bonding” moment everyone talked about. When was that magic spark supposed to happen? I’ve never minded doing it, but it certainly didn’t feel like some special moment. 

Until now. Now that she has a personality.  Now that she can stop mid eating and look up and smile at me. Now that she knows who I am and trusts me to provide food. 

So, if any other moms feel similar to what I’ve described, maybe the moment will come for you too. It makes all the planning around feedings and pumpings so worth it. 

When I started, my original goal was 6 months. If I could make it to that, at most, I’d be glad I did. Well, HERE WE ARE! WE DID IT! 

Our next goal is a year…this chunk loves to eat and it showing a lot of interest in her puréed food, so I’ll do what I can for as long as I can! 

Oh, and one more thing…Kensie now sits up  when I put her in her car seat and makes me shove her back (while she arches to fight it) to buckle her in – which makes me look like a real great mom in public. Thanks girlfriend. 🤷🏼‍♀️